Will I ever be able to be myself? I want to say what I think without being afraid that I'll push people away from me. I want to be liked and loved for who I am. People ask me "Who are you?"... What can I answer , "I'm nobody, a person you don't know but still sent you a message because she feels lonely." Can I say that?
I was wondering what a friend of mine would answer, she talks so casually to strangers and they answer back. I am so afraid they'll not answer me that I stare at the monitor thinking what to write, then write something friendly, then I erase it. "Maybe he'll think I'm a stalker or maybe I need to write something more funny or shocking so that he'll answer me", this is what goes through my head as I try to answer his "Who are you" question.
I can never say what I think or else I'll be alone forever. So I lie to everybody around me so that I can still have people to talk to. I pretend to be somebody else when all I want to do is scream and cry until I can't breath anymore.
Maybe it's the influence of a sad instrumental song that makes me feel this way but I still wonder "What do I really want to say?". I know very well what I want to say but I can't say it because then I'll be alone forever.
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